Helping Your Child Calm Down on Their Own
When young children have big emotions, our first instinct is often to jump in and fix the problem. We want to stop the tears, solve the frustration, and help them feel better as quickly as possible.
But one of the most valuable skills children can learn before kindergarten is how to begin calming themselves down.
This doesn’t mean leaving children alone with overwhelming feelings. It means gradually teaching them simple tools they can use when they are upset, frustrated, angry, or disappointed.
The goal isn’t for your child to never have big emotions. The goal is for them to learn what to do when those emotions happen.
Why Self-Calming Matters
Kindergarten classrooms are busy places.
Children may have to wait their turn, share materials, handle mistakes, follow directions, and manage disappointments throughout the day.
Teachers can’t solve every emotional challenge immediately. Children who have some basic self-calming skills are often better able to recover from frustration and return to learning.
The good news? These skills can be practiced at home during everyday moments.
Start When Your Child Is Calm
One common mistake is trying to teach calming skills in the middle of a meltdown. When emotions are running high, children are not in the best state to learn new strategies.
Instead, talk about calming tools during peaceful moments. You might say:
- “Sometimes we feel frustrated.”
- “Everyone gets upset sometimes.”
- “Let’s practice some things we can do when we have big feelings.”
The more familiar these strategies become, the easier they are to use later.
Teach a Few Simple Calming Tools
Children don’t need a long list of options. In fact, too many choices can be overwhelming. Start with one or two simple strategies such as:
Take Slow Breaths
Practice breathing together when everyone is calm. Try:
- Smell the flower, blow out the candle.
- Pretend to slowly blow up a balloon.
- Put a hand on your belly and feel it move.
Count Slowly
Some children benefit from slowly counting to five or ten before reacting.
Take a Break
Create a cozy space where your child can sit quietly, look at books, cuddle a stuffed animal, or simply rest for a few minutes.
This should feel like a safe place, not a punishment.
Use Words for Feelings
Help children identify emotions by naming them.
- “I think you’re feeling frustrated.”
- “That was disappointing.”
When children have words for their feelings, those feelings often become easier to manage.
Be the Example
Children learn a great deal by watching the adults around them. When you’re frustrated, try talking through your own calming process:
- “I’m feeling frustrated right now. I’m going to take a few deep breaths.”
- “I need a minute to calm down before I solve this problem.”
These moments show children that everyone experiences big emotions and that there are healthy ways to handle them.
Celebrate Progress
Learning to calm down independently takes time. Instead of expecting perfection, notice small successes. You might say:
- “You took a deep breath when you were upset.”
- “You calmed your body much faster today.”
- “I noticed you used your words instead of yelling.”
These small victories add up over time.
Remember: It’s a Skill, Not a Personality Trait
Some children seem naturally calm. Others feel emotions very intensely. Neither is better or worse.
Self-calming is a skill that develops with practice, support, and patience.
Every time you help your child recognize a feeling, practice a calming strategy, or recover from a difficult moment, you are building an important kindergarten readiness skill.
And those lessons will continue helping your child long after the first day of school.
Try This at Home
Choose one calming strategy to practice this week when your child is already feeling calm. Keep it simple and fun. The goal isn’t to eliminate big emotions—it’s to help your child learn what to do when those emotions arrive.
Read more posts about Social Skills and Emotions as they relate to Kindergarten Readiness.
Supporting Resources
Feelings and Brainy Wonders Learning Video Bundle
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